Same Space

I’m traveling down a highway at a scary fast pace. I can see the road ahead of me and I’ll have to make a choice of direction to go. The road isn’t straight and narrow anymore, but wide and full of choices.

I’m torn.

I’m torn between the two directions I can take. I am torn because half of me desires one path, while half of me believes the other path would be better…

Turning Left.

If I turn left, my life will be full of unknown ups and downs. The good times will be great, however the bad times will be dark. I will be pulled in many directions until I believe I will reach the point where my body and soul cannot stretch anymore.

Even with the unfortunate company of darkness, this path too is full of light. This path is mixed with love, care, concern, and support, however I do not know if it will be enough. I don’t believe the forces down this path are where they need to be for things to run smoothly. I don’t believe the external forces and myself are in the same place just yet.

Turning Right.

This choice of turn will be a difficult one at that. It will be difficult because this turn will change everything. Everything that has been conformed to this point will be lost, and that terrifies me. I’ll have to start anew and rebuild after the demolition. I’m scared to rebuild again. I’m not so convinced I will ever be able to restart successfully. I feel like my times at doing so are getting low, if even existent anymore at all.

What I desire. 

I desire a life where I can be constantly happy. I desire a job where I can make enough, while also enjoying my time. I want someone to share my time with. Someone who is passionate, caring, and on the same page. I desire a life full of love, care, happiness, and as stress free as possible.

I believe I know deep down all the things I need to do in order to achieve this happiness, even if the choices are not what I am ready for. I suppose I don’t have to be ready, I just need to be willing.

  • Chad

 

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Masquerade

Dear Whoever,

Have you ever wondered around acting as if everything is always okay, when it is actually isn’t? Have you pretended to be happy when in reality, you were not very happy at all? Perhaps you have pretended to know all of the answers, when you didn’t know any of them?

Today is one of those days for me. Yesterday was too.

Most days I am happy, some days I am ecstatic, a few days I am depressed, lost, and confused. Sometimes, it takes a lot to build up and keep strong the good days, while tiny actions can disrupt them. I’m not sure if it something we dream about at night that causes these bad days, but whatever it may be I don’t like it.

I get a lot of joy by helping others. It could be that my same love also kills me.

I often wear a mask to save myself from support and questions. The very factors I love to give are my least favorite to receive…are you this way too? I don’t know why. Personally, I would rather wear a mask to hide my true feelings, but you can see past that can’t you?

I really have no idea what I am saying right now. My mind is blank to everything except what I am typing at this very moment. It could be that I havn’t had enough of my morning coffee, or perhaps every emotion in my body has left me. Do you ever feel this way?

Blah.